I think i peed on brittanys purse
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
