His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
