If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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