I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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