Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
