Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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