did you get engaged???
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
