We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
