dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
