I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
