"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
