so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
