Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
