enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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