Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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