I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
