He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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