just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
