girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
