I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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