I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
