i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
