so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
