FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
