he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
