i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
