Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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