His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
