if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like death gave me a hand job
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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