I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize