batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
