Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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