Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i out mim tonsoeep
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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