so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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