pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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