did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
