He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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