my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
