I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
