I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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