peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Watching her eat just hurts me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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