im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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