Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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