at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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