who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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