Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
