he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
