i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
