I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
