So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
