I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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