If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you had me at cake vodka
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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