we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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