He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
