Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
