By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize