Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
