we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't deserve a penis
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
