I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
