Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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