Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
