ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
