Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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