No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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