I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize