She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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